- Thinking of ending your relationship but don’t know where to start?
- Scared to end the relationship because you are afraid for the wellbeing/safety of yourself and/or your children?
- Currently going through a Divorce or legal separation?
- Worried about the impact on your kids?
- Confused or daunted by the legal process?
- Feeling overwhelmed at what lies ahead of you?
- Stressed about your finances?
- Worried about parenting alone?
- Feeling lost and alone and don’t know where to start?
If you have answered yes to any of the above then read on ……….
What is a High Conflict Divorce or Separation?
Just as not all domestic abuse situations involve cuts and bruises, not all high conflict situations involve shouting and screaming. It’s sometimes more insidious than that. Often there is a sense of feeling trapped, lost and alone. You can become so used to the abusing behaviour of your partner or spouse that it becomes normal to you.
If your relationship has not been healthy in the past and communication has now broken down, there is little chance that your ex will all-of-a-sudden decide to collaborate and become amicable. Sometimes, even trying to communicate or problem solve with your ex may put you (and your children) at risk of harm.
This doesn’t mean you have to stay trapped. Your journey won’t be easy, but it will be possible with the right support and help.
Whilst most separations or divorces are difficult, a high conflict divorce or separation may differ in one, some or all of these ways:
- One or both people accuse the other of abandoning them, being neglectful, abusive, controlling, lying, being mentally unstable, having an addiction or all of these
- One or both complain that they are the victim
- One or both make false accusations
- One or both fail to put their children’s needs first
- One or both use the children to score points or to carry messages or threats
- One or both believe that they are the ‘better’ parent
- One or both hide financial infomation from the other
- One or both withhold finances or Maintenance
- One or both do not follow parenting agreements or other agreements made
- One or both ‘bad mouth’ the other to the children, family members or friends
- One or both ignore professional advice including advice or recommendaions about the children
- One or both ignore court orders
- The Gardai or domestic violence services have been involved
- One or both have to go back to court to enforce orders already made
Reduce Conflict & Emotional Trauma
Divorce or Separation is a painful process. Counselling To Go can provide you with ongoing emotional and practical support before, during and after your separation or divorce. Emotions can be high and sometimes it’s hard to keep perspective. We can provide you with a framework to help you reduce anxiety, navigate your grief and support you to re-gain your confidence and self esteem, ultimately helping you to move on with your life. This in turn may help you to minimise conflict and reduce trauma for you and your children.
Keep your Costs low
Solicitors and Barristers have a pivotal role to play in divorce and separation cases. However, their role is a purely practical and not an emotional one. The average cost of a non-contested separation or divorce in Ireland is in the region of €3,000. A contested divorce or separation, which is often the case when there is high conflict, can cost anywhere from €7,500 to €20,000 and upwards. Solicitors’ fees can range from €150 to €300 per hour or more. Because you are paying for your solicitor’s time, it is important to use it wisely.
There is a lot of preparation work you can do on your own or with the help of other professionals that can keep your legal expenses low.
Counselling to Go can help you to:
- Become clear about what you want
- Be proactive rather than reactive
- Know your rights and entitlements
- Make sense of legal terminology
- Understand how the Court system works
- Communicate confidently, clearly and concisely with your legal representatives
- Link-in with other professionals for example, financial experts, child psychologists, mediators
- Create a strong Parenting Agreement that can be court ordered
- Prepare court documents for example:
- Affidavit of Welfare
- Affidavit of Means
- Domestic Violence Order aplications, i.e. Protection Orders, Safety Orders, Barrring Orders
- Gather and file any information you may need for your case for example:
- Household expendenditure
- Tax files
- Information regarding the children
- Texts and email communications